Three seconds

I never lost faith.
I looked at the infinite beauty
of every little piece of this world
and I saw you.
I looked into the depths
and myriad complexities of
the working of my mind
and I saw you.
I looked at people, and in their
laughter, smile, tears, empathy and love
and saw you.
Never did I waiver,
from my infinite belief
that you knew better
and I was always saved
because of you.
You rained down trials,
more tribulations than I thought
I was capable of handling,
and I remembered to be your vessel -
to emanate love and forgiveness
through every one of them
because I believed.
You took my loved ones and
I was grateful they were in your bosom.
Their loss to me was but a speck
in the infinite faith I had
that you knew better
and their time here was complete.
Days of hunger, I worked harder.
Days of hate, I loved more.
Days of aggression I sought forgiveness.
Days of mourning I sought hope.
I never stopped looking up at the skies
and without a sign,
knew I was fulfilling your plan.
Humbled by the immense responsibility
that I was here
to love.
Tell me if I have ever wavered from your path..
Tell me have I ever not been grateful.
Even through days that I lay on a floor
riddled with pain and scars,
tell me the time I ever questioned your plan
or never turned the other cheek.
You won’t find one.
Tattooed to my skin,
Jaime seule,
Never alone.
was my ode to you.
My daily reminder
that I always had you.
And I would wake up
to dust off the hurt and unshackle myself
from the pain,
to learn to be better,
to love stronger
and forgive.
Today I’m broken.
With love that was taken from me
that has cracked me into a
million pieces.
For the first time I’m asking you why?
Why did I have another lesson to learn?
Why, just this once,
could you have not given me
this warmth to keep out the cold?
What will ever satisfy you?
Are you this cruel, to try the ones
who fight for you the hardest?
Are you this relentless to prove
that I too am like the rest,
lost in the wilderness,
blaming you but not living in your ways?
Do you not see how much I’ve lived through
with love, empathy and gratitude
praising no one but you?
Well, you’ve won.
I don’t want to believe this was
to make
me better.
I don’t want to believe
there is something more for me to learn.
I don’t want to know what tomorrow holds
or how eventually this will all make sense.
I’m putting you to the test today,
I’ve attributed three decades
to believing
and thanking you.
I’m asking for three minutes!
Three minutes of you showing me
this was intended.
Perhaps I won’t forgive you..
But I took that risk with you too.
A hundred times before.
Perhaps I won’t love you again,
but I’m praying for three minutes
for you to tell me
why you would hurt me like this?
Why would you put someone on my path
for me to love with my entirety
and break me?
Do you enjoy watching us beg for respite?
Do you laugh when we fail?
Do you judge when we are weak and beg
for a chance?
What kind of infinite power would take
joy in such ugliness
and ask us to live in his image?
Give me my three minutes -
So I don’t lose faith.
Give me 30 seconds of understanding.
Give me 3 seconds of your time -
to know you love me,
as much as I’ve always loved you.
I’m fighting for an answer
and not walking away without one.
Do you have what it takes
to understand what it takes
to be human?

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